How To Address A Job Letter Envelope

today is my dad's seventieth birthday. i thought it wouldn't stink quite as much as it does, but it's as though i'm in a vice and someone has tightened the lever. or like i'm trying to spell 'happy birthday' and i'm missing the 'y'. nearly 5 years on from his death, i'm missing a lot of y's still, but filling them in with books.

How To Address A Job Letter Envelope, here's eggers: "we lose weeks like buttons, like pencils." a while ago, i started writing letters i'd never send, so it doesn't seem strange to me to write to him today. but it's the little frustrations,

an absent letter, an envelope too small, that lead me to feel like a brat throwing a tantrum. but then we solve the problem. we carry on. c.s. lewis: "how often -- will it be for always? how often will the vast emptiness astonish me like a complete novelty and make me say, 'i never realized my loss till this moment'?" but then zadie:

"you are never stronger than when you land on the other side of despair." and borges: "a man sets out to draw the world. as the years go by, he peoples a space with images of provinces, kingdoms, mountains, bays, ships, islands, fishes, rooms, instruments, stars, horses, and individuals. a short time before he dies, he discovers that the patient labyrinth of lines traces the lineaments of his own face.” and rowling: "to the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure." i miss him. i want him back.

his birthday cake would be a fire hazard. but i will always have books, and i think that's beautiful. [music]